luni, 25 februarie 2013

at random...and a new addition...

        During the last 5 or 6years of my life I've had a lot of contact with people with lots of money, and they all left me with a strange impression. Is it the money, or the other people around them that make them so petty? so careless and oblivious of others?
        How is it that even people who started from the bottom up forget where they were, and become insensible to others? is it the money that corrupt or the people following them everywhere, the material people wo ask and ask and ask...
         Not being my intention to defend "poor" rich people, I still do believe that at one point they can't distinguish between people who like them for their money and people who like them for themselves....not that the latter cathegory is very large....
         In this respect probably it is not the one who has the money himself who suffers the big change, but the people around him.
          I sometimes wonder if they don't feel sick when one individual or the other sweet talks them into giving them eigther a bigger salary, or gas or money or God knows what, and if that sweet talk is a thing they urgely need, like a recognition of power, or it is sincere compassion. And after so many requests they get tired of giving...
         On the other side of this we find the employers who have millions and millions and when it comes to give a raise of a couple of hundreds...they hesitate as to if the person deserves it. And it may be that the person in question works for him from dusk 'till dawn and has two or three children and has the monthly salary equal to what the employer himself spends in one night out... This contrast makes me sick; as you can see things like this on a daily basis. Unfortunately this is the cruel reality in our world, and I am very sure this is not the case only in Romania. Money do change everything, and it depends on the way a person gets rich that will be definitory for his future actions. Money hardly deserved will hardly leave a mark, as money hard earned will be harder to spend...
         When I was in school we learned about the casts in India, there was a supposition that there were only two social cathegories in that country, and those cathegories were: the very rich and the very poor. That's what I well remember learning, but now I know that many things you learn in school can be wrong, as they can be outdated and not verified missconceptions. I have to admit that I can hardly say I know more about this country than what I did back then, as my interests are very large, but hardly include that type of knowledge. You may have realized by now that I am fascinated by old culture, from the historical point of view; and not by our contemporary times.
           Still, as I am slowly reaching the 8th year of my working experience, and the money I earn are well worked for and still to little as per my needs, I start to wonder if I will ever be able to buy a house, a car...or a horse for that matter...
            As everywhere, and I may believe that even India has evolved from what I once knew,  we have rich people and poor people, and then there are some intermediary cathegories, of people struggling to make something, to enjoy and feel good, and especially to leave something behind. We give up some things in order to do others, but we live our lives to the full, and try to never look back.
           I guess I am grateful for my employer, who appreciates my work and partially understands me. It is really hard to find a well paid job right now everywhere, not only in Romania, and I was lucky to evolve and learn in the same company, never having to change my job for 8 whole years and having a steady growth in my income, let alone the fact that the apartment I live in is theirs and the rent is acceptable.
          My job asks that I understand my boss very well and know exactly who does what  in the company so that everything goes smooth, and I have to say it was not an easy job at the beginning, as I had to coordinate people much older than me, who were much older in the company, and people do not take it well when they are told what to do by a kid, especially a 158 cm tall girl. Thank goodness for my big mouth and ability to speak, and even so I had a hard time.
          And I am especially lucky for my foreign language skills, as this brings me my everyday bread, otherwise I would probably be a newspapes seller, or something like that... I heard this line in a movie : "Nothing breaks the spirit like the lack of money" and I have to admit this is entirely true, even my books cost money, and if you don't have money you have to make it, so there's no time for reading...and this goes on and on...Or who would dream of horse riding, which is very expensive, if I had a minimum wage? And even so, I have to sacrifice so many things in order to go riding every Sunday....
          A-propos about riding...I of course went yesterday and rode Mary...and even trotted!!! Even I can't believe it, but I trully did! At first I realized she was agitated and wanted to run, she was like a child who wanted to play, but as she bolted I wasn't prepared and lost my grip, then I asked my trainer to shorten my stirrups and then we could trot happily......if I can call it trot, as I was mostly bouncing back and forth on poor Mary's back...and when I started to get the picture..she was already tired. I don't know if you've noticed ...but she's preety fat...and I am also not very we make a perfect match...:D
           The only downside is that she's a little to big to handle...and that would still be ok if it weren't for her stubborness...or my distrust in my own capacities...Anyway, I bounced alot...trotted a little, but was not very pleased with myself in I know I can and have to do better. Don't ask me why I am so determined...because I have no is probably just like with my riding my took me almost a year to do it properly, but I just couldn't give up...
           As I watched the short movies Arthur made I realize I have a very long and literally bumpy road to go....but that only makes me crazier and frantic to go there more often and ride...and I feel strange that the more I evolve the more I become more impatient and want to do better...
          After I got down from Mary's saddle, Nicu, the horse trainer and my trainer's boss, took her for a "spin" and I realized he does it so naturally and simply that I have to admit I started to cry in anger with myself! I am the one that does it wrong and I can't blame Mary for being stubborn, as she is sheepish under his reigns.
          I know he has 25 years or so of experience with horses, but I shurely wished I understood Mary better, and know what to do so that she doesn't just carry me, but rather I tell her what to do and where to go. After he left her to be taken back into her stall I went there and talked to her, and rubbed her and also felt a little sorry for her as she was so swetty.... but I guess she really needs the exercise...and I am unfortunately NOT the one to make it with her...
          I just couldn't make her go one way and follow one horse, and poor Mary was so disoriented that when I watched the films I was struck by my own incapability to impose myself. Poor soul wanted to be led.....I know she's not a leader, but a follower, and because the "monkey" on her back couldn't tell her what to do she was desperately trying to follow someone...she was in the middle of the hall, going this way and that the horses would get closer on one part or the other....and I repeat myself, but I was and still am so mad that I could kick myself  for being so stupid....she is so lovely and she wanted to be with the others...and I just stood in her way!
        We'll have to do it better next even though the accomplishments I have are very small, I want her to be my first horse, the one that teaches me the "ropes" of riding! And I trully think she's a good exercise for my self trust...which is clearly my overall problem, even though I hardly show it.
         She'll teach me how to trully ride, as riding means more than just sitting on a saddle, and implies much more the mind than the hands or legs so that I will have to show her what I want of her, and instead I will love her from all my heart, as I have from the first time I laid my eyes on her. I am shure we'll make a wonderful pair and she's so beautiful and sweet!
         In the end, I just have to share with you the news: there's one extraordinary new addition to the team at Herneacova:
...I don't know his name, I just know he's new and shy and the most beautiful horse I've ever seen in my life! Here he is trained by Nicu, I've never seen such grace and who would have thaught it can be possible in such a huge being! He's soooo beautiful!
Wishing you a wonderful week, bisous!

2 comentarii:

  1. I didn't like reading you saying that you were mad at yourself. You have to start from somewhere, and here you are. You should be proud that you had the courage and ambition to trot on your own, and with huge Mary! And nothing bad happened! You succeeded and opened a new chapter in your riding progress, and that should make you more confident for the next lesson. :)
    I both laughed and frowned at myself, but that just made me more ambitious for the next time we go.
    Pointing out flaws can be productive if we get ahead of our anger/disappointment. So now we all know what to improve. One step at a time!

    1. Thank you for the encouragement! It's just that I am mad at myself for not being able to make Mary understand what I wanted, because you can see from our films that she really wanted, but, and I know her very well now, she needs a strong hand to guide her, and I was not that! It's not the trotting itself that made me angry, but my incapacity to bond with Mary. But I am getting closer each and everytime we go to Herneacova! I may be slower in learning, but I'm on my way! Bisous!