joi, 27 februarie 2014

the difference between being and wanting to be...

Ho many of us can really and truthfully brag about the fact that they are exactly like the image they are projecting upon the others?
Like me for example, I'm not nearly as good as I would like to be, and not only in my own eyes, but also in the eyes of the ones surrounding me. I would love to be a better sister, a better friend, a better employee, even a better writer, but all these make me dizzy, and I start panicking, and  manage to suck at all of them...
I mean I would love to be loved, maybe even for all that I am, just like everybody these days likes to say, right? But what exactly are we? The perfect lover, the perfect family member, the perfect career woman or man?I tend to believe that we are nowhere near perfection, and the fact that we are so desperately trying only makes us more desperate and less successful...
Taking me again as a starting point (who else do I know better?); I would love to be appreciated by everyone around me for the witty, funny and darling person that I am, but I rarely have the energy left to show that person to everyone around me, and I bet they will start getting tired by my sour looks and start looking for someone else to entertain them.
 How do other people even manage in this world?
google images

My next idea is that, as long a you offer the ones around you food for their souls (no matter how big they or their expectations are), you have a chance at being recognized on a social field; but as soon as you become wary of trying to be nice and helpful;  and stop smiling all the time and making small talk, you start loosing ground, and you become isolated, outcast, unwanted. And then the cynicism you were born with dictates that this is how the world should turn, and not the other way around. Is this how rebels are born? or just crazy people?
I defy anyone to tell me otherwise.... exception making of course the poor family that loves you and tolerates you, only because they have no other choice... more exception...kindergarten best friends that you only see once in a while, and you don't have the chance to get on their nerves so often....and they keep an old image of you that they stubbornly maintain, only because they do not want to know what life has turned you into...

And my conclusion goes like this: the difference between being and wanting to be ...not only does it reside in the eye of the beholder, but it also comes from the level of determination to make yourself something you are not, or proving so hard that you are something, that even you start believing it. Strange, right?


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