miercuri, 8 martie 2017

On doors and...doors...

I've always seen myself as a fighter. Seldom looking back, I keep a steady pace going forward. If you would ask me my destination, I don't think I could give you a straight answer, because I rarely know myself what I intend to do. But who does? Do we really know for sure what we want? Or is really life what's actually happening to us while we struggle for schools, careers, family and fortune?
I keep myself proud of the fact that I'm shaping my own destiny, one mistake at a time. I never stop more than a second to see if I'm doing right or wrong, all I know is that I can't afford to look back too much, or else I am lost. Sometimes I'm exhausted by the sheer struggle of keeping it all as real as possible around me, other times I'm too exhausted to get out of my own head. But I do guess we're all the same up to some point, so I'm not making a big discovery. There's one thing though, I realized right now, and it's the one that makes all the difference. It's my choice of never believing I can't. There's always a way, when you're tough enough to take it. I've never let anyone tell me I couldn't do something. I mean, they said it, but I always felt the need to prove them otherwise. I'm that stubborn!
This attitude works wonders in school, career and life in general. Only when night falls, and I find myself alone with my own thoughts, and I'm not that blinded by my ambition, do I realize this only applies to me and my own will. You cannot make people bend to your will when it comes to their feelings towards you. You have to earn trust, not convince them that you are trustworthy. Earning is way more difficult. You have to charm people into believing what you say, and you cannot do that without a significant amount of charisma. You have to love yourself more if you want to make somebody love you for who you are. Here's where struggling for more comes in. If you think somebody will trust, respect or love you for exactly who you happen to be right now, you might be right....up to a point. It takes more, it takes an effort, it takes a will to grow out of your comfort zone to improve and become even better, so that people can see you are good, going on better.
And still, sometimes, even better is not enough. It might be easier if I said it's not you, it's them, but that would mean I would have to lie. It is you, it is your fault, because first of all, you need to see with your eyes wide open. Sometimes there is no compatibility. Sometimes it's not the question of why not, but of how much.  How much of the pieces fit? Is it truthfully that what you really need? Or is it just a whim? It's not giving up if you finally realize it's not for you. It is a proof of maturity to let go and move on. Move on further away, as far away as possible, and you will find the opportunities you were too engrossed in your own failure to see until then. When one door closes, it only does so so that another will open for you. Life is a set of frightening, colorful doors; sometimes you need to knock to make yourself heard, and at other times you should put in the shoulder and knock the damn thing down! And at other times, you just need to pull it after you, and just make sure it won't hit you on your way out.
Clive Baker

  So, after knocking on every possible door, making sure you loose as few occasions as possible, if you find yourself in trouble, just think of all this as a lobby towards another path that will lead you exactly where you need to be, as long as you are not afraid to raise your head up and look life straight in the eye.

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