|Sisyphys (1548–49) by Titian, thanks to Wikipedia|
There must really be a decision for an achievement; you must strongly and vividly want to achieve something, and only after you work hard for it, give it your energy and make it happen with all your resources; only then can you reach your desired outcome. I know that, and you know that, and everybody around us acknowledges it; but there's only a small majority that will really do something in this respect. The rest, just like me and any other ordinary person, will bow their heads and accept their fate and that which it brings to our plates.
I mean all this in every little aspect of our life, from choosing the right outfit, to choosing the right person to live with and to going on the right career path.
We're so caught up in our daily lives, comfy and sure, that we forget that, if we want more than just a simple dull life, we need to step out of our comfortable zone and do some uncomfortable things. Of course there are exceptions, of course there are those who receive it all on a silver platter, but those are just the lucky few, and we're more than likely never to be like that.
I've recently entered an argument with a person I care very much about, who asked me what I've accomplished so far, and why am I content with what I've got, rather than fighting for some more. I usually like to listen to what people have to say rather than give my own arguments, and afterwords think about what was said. And he's right, pinpointing exactly what the above phrase says to me every day, from the corner of my computer screen, where I've put it. I haven't decided yet to be successful; I haven't decided yet on finishing my book, maybe because I don't want it to end yet, I haven't decided to change my job which leaves me little to no time to write exactly the way I would want to write; I haven't decided to loose myself in my writing, because then everything else would disappear, and most of all I haven't decided to take the risk of being disappointed. Yes, I haven't decided to be successful at any cost, even that of my own happiness, because even though I am not completely happy with what I've got, at least I'm not hurting, not yet anyway...
But somewhere, in a dark corner of my mind, a small voice won't shut up, and it sometimes whispers that the hurt and regrets are just around the corner, and then all of this can no longer be completely ignored; and it gets harder day by day, just like the truth that my friend said to me has hurt more than I would like to admit.
We each have a different idea about accomplishment and what it will bring us, but I don't think I'm very far off when I say that it mostly includes material satisfaction in the first place, and the mental appease coming after that.
How strange is it that, in order to reach material satisfaction, sometimes you have to give up your current comfy material state and sacrifice your peace of mind? It's the period that's in between that scares me the most...and I bet I'm not the only one.
The nastiest of it all is that for some, the more we try the less we get, just because we block ourselves with hard feelings and regrets along the way; just like me for example, the more I force myself to write, the harder it is; but when I go through some happy or sad period, all I want to do is be left alone to write, and it all comes so easily then that I am mad that it's so hard at times, and so easy at others.
Of course nobody wants to be the kind of person who looks back on his or her life and regrets not doing this or that thing which could have brought him this or that thing...but where do we stop thinking about what could have been or what could be, and when do we start making choices?
Does that time ever come?
Is it bad to settle for less than complete satisfaction? and when do we know that we've reached that level? do we ever reach satisfaction?