I haven't made a secret to anyone around me about my late state of mind and spirit, all my friends knew I was having a down time, I excused myself for being so anti-social; I even stopped writing on Elance, excusing myself to my collaborators who were kind and understanding, and surprisingly supportive. All my activities came to a halt, except for coming to work, which I would have stopped also if I only could have...
I couldn't write, ride, work-out, go out with friends, didn't want to speak to friends or family, not even on the phone, so all the things that make-up my life felt like paralyzed, and even my boyfriend had a hard time coping with me.
It's even more strange that once I started writing about things that I like and want I started knowing myself better, as if once writing everything down my life started taking shape. And I then understood that I have so much to say because I'm not mainstream. I have all these little bits and pieces that make me different, little bits that used to make me feel an outsider, but now revolve around me and make up who I really am.
I am that girl who went to the big city and suffered as hell in the beginning from missing her family so much, I am that scared girl who got a job in a big company and worked for little to no money, who lost many of her dear ones on the way so much so that for years she couldn't really smile, I am the employee that was dreaming of being important and traveling to see the world but then understood that life is much more different. I am that same girl who still managed to see some of the world, managed to talk to people from different corners of the world and understood finally that it's the people that make the place, and that it's people she wants to know, not just visit places.
I am indeed the crazy woman that at 24 stepped out of a relation that was going for 5 years and was heading towards a boring and doomed marriage; I am the woman that with 26 started riding a motorcycle, started hanging out with a motorcycle club and found them a good influence, because she was even wilder before meeting them, they became an anchor and made her yet once more understand what is the power of a community, and what huge change riding a bike can be in one's life.
My raw path
that same person who started looking for inner balance, after one whole life of feeling on the edge. That same person who parties hard and drives fast, rides until she's all a sweat, works out and sings her lungs out,
And all my passions are based on a regular or even quite small wage, writing only gave little help until now; so money is really not an impediment if you are really determined to push against a shrinking system. It is enough to be wild enough and wish hard, even though you won't really know all the time what you are wishing for...passions should not be held back by material barriers, if there's a will, there's a way!